Are Tesla Cars Boring?
When Tesla delivered the first Roadster in February 2008, not many people saw the company as the eventual disruptor of the motor industry it was to become. Only 14 years later, legacy motor manufacturers are desperately trying to switch their product ranges to electric power; Tesla monopolizes the market and has become the most valuable car manufacturer globally.
Tesla cars are considered boring by a small percentage of the driving public because they think they are too clinical. Tesla cars outperform their equivalent conventionally powered competitors; however, they do so without gas-powered vehicles’ sounds, smells, sights, feels, and tastes.
Being a car enthusiast doesn’t just mean going as fast as possible; instead, it is a visceral experience involving all senses. It’s the smell of an oil rag and ethanol mixed with gas, the look of a car with tuned suspension and new exhaust headers, and the sound of a modified engine. Because Tesla cars do not have any of these, some consider them boring.
Table of Contents
- Reasons Why Tesla Cars Are Not Boring
- Why Are Tesla Described As Clinical?
- Does This Make A Tesla Boring?
- Are Tesla Owners True Petrol Heads?
Reasons Why Tesla Cars Are Not Boring
We are not sure a car could be called boring when it:
- Revs at 20,000 RPM
- Has three engines
- EVs can accelerate 0- 60mph in 1.98 seconds, faster than a Bugatti Chiron
- It takes only 9.25 seconds to accelerate to 152.6 mph
- Generates a G-Force of 1.227 g while it accelerates
- EVs have a top speed of 200 mph
- Doesn’t use any gas
- When all the Tesla models are placed together, they spell S.E.X.Y
Apart from the last one, these facts relate to the Tesla Model S Plaid, the top of the Tesla range. However, even the “lesser” models have better performance statistics than their equivalent gas-powered competitors.
Electric cars are not boring; the more appropriate word to use is clinical.
Why Are Tesla Described As Clinical?
While Tesla cars accelerate faster than their internal combustion-powered competitors, they achieve these performance levels without fuss or dramatics.
Tesla has none of the quirks that an internal combustion-powered car has.
In a Tesla, everything either works to spec, or the vehicle is broken. If it is broken, it needs to be returned to Tesla or another specialist shop to have the offending component replaced. There are no such things as D.I.Y. Tesla workshops.
The electric motors deliver the massive acceleration forces without a squeak from the tires or a burble from the engine.
None of the satisfying noises that a performance exhausts or modified Turbo make. The “built not bought” ethos is as foreign to a Tesla owner as a vegetarian enjoying a spit roast barbeque.
There is no opportunity for the Tesla owner to work on the car and add modified parts to increase the vehicle’s performance. Performance upgrades are achieved by selecting and paying for software upgrades through the Tesla online shop.
Very much like an Apple iPhone, a Tesla works.
Even the purchasing process of a Tesla is opposite to that which a petrol head would enjoy.
There are no regular visits to a showroom to experience the new car smell of the displayed vehicles. There are no opening bonnets to look at the freshly manufactured engines, no sitting in the driving seat imagining the driving experience, and no test drives with a nervous salesperson sitting next to you.
Instead, purchasing a Tesla requires you to open up the appropriate Tesla web page, choose the model, select a car from the existing inventory, design your custom model, select the options, and make a payment.
Does This Make A Tesla Boring?
While the performance delivered by Tesla cars is not boring, the clinical way this happens may appear so to the dedicated petrol head.
Petrolheads have all five senses activated with their hobby:
An ethanol-powered gas engine in a car with a tuned suspension and modified intakes, turbos, and exhaust is a sensory experience involving every available receptor.
To the true “died in the wool” petrol head, despite outperforming most conventionally powered cars, the efficiency with which Tesla achieves this is simply boring.
Rather than being a boring car Tesla’s are simply a paradigm shift over conventional vehicles.
Although they lack the sensory inputs that make a conventional car emotive, Tesla’s get the job done as efficiently as possible.
Electronic controls manage every aspect of the car. While pressing the accelerator too hard in a conventional vehicle will produce wheelspin and a sideways movement, the Tesla computer ensures that the tires don’t slip. The car stays pointing in a straight line.
Let’s face it, the percentage of drivers who are true petrolheads is small, and while they enjoy most things automotive, most people see cars as one of two things:
- A way to get from A-B
- A status symbol
Tesla achieves these goals admirably, and if a petrol head does pull up next to your Tesla at a traffic light, you can make him eat “humble pie” by speeding off ahead without a sideways glance.
Are Tesla Owners True Petrol Heads?
Being a proper petrolhead isn’t just about going fast but being immersed in the motor car experience.
The satisfaction of driving down a boulevard in a car you have modified and tuned yourself – adding new air intake systems, filters, intercooler pipes, turbo pipes, stereo & speakers, wheels, and exhausts.
There isn’t much better than listening to the deep roar of an untamed 700 HP Dodge Hellcat H.E.M.I. V8 engine, as it spins up clouds of white smoke before snaking off into the distance. Or seeing the bystander’s looks of amazement as a lowered Ford Mustang, with performance tires, speeds past. And don’t forget the smell of gas mixed with ethanol is poured into a gas tank.
Being part of a car club, meeting new friends, and sharing tall tales of car exploits are just as crucial as owning and working on your vehicles. As a community of like-minded people, petrolheads couldn’t be friendlier; they are always willing to help each other, offering advice and even getting their hands dirty and helping out.
And then there are the track days when you join your compatriots and spend time admiring each other’s cars while, and for a while, being mortal enemies on the track trying to race to first place.
Finally, the times spent together socially over a beer.
Part of the joy of being a car fanatic is about the vehicle’s imperfections. The tires are losing traction when accelerating away, the frustration of a missed gear when attempting a fast drag time, the minor oil leaks under the sump, and the sound of an overheated engine cooling down.
Being a Petrolhead means hating Hondas, Hyundai’s, Prius, and cars with certain cosmetic modifications while praising Nissan GT-Rs, Toyota Supras, Toyota AE86s, and American Muscle cars and starting unnecessary arguments and attacks on those who dislike those cars.
To a relatively small group of people, Tesla may appear boring. While Tesla cars do not produce any of the sensory experiences conventional internal combustion-powered vehicles do, they outperform them in almost every metric.
Tesla represents a paradigm shift in motoring, which is a massive advance for most people. Not only are Tesla cars less damaging to the environment than conventional vehicles, but they also operate without any fuss, almost clinically.
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